My love/hate relationship with the New York subway system

After riding the subway here in New York for a few weeks, I think it's safe to say that I love it. No wait, I hate it. No wait, I love it again. I guess my take on the subway changes every time I swipe my little yellow metro card. As of right this second, I'm not too fond of it, more specifically, I'm not too fond of all the crazies who frequent the train. Most of the crazies are harmless and sometimes kind of funny and entertaining. Most of them.

Now, coming from Austin I've had quite a few encounters with the crazies (punk-rock girl in the Wal-Mart parking lot, anyone?), but the crazies up here are on a whole other level. And, there are so many different varieties of crazies here in New York:

• First you've got your bible bashers and subway evangelists. I encountered one on my very first subway ride on my very first day in New York. He was a Matisyahu-looking guy, except he was clad in a saggy, black hoodie and dirty jeans instead of a kippah and a suit. I was so surprised when he started yelling about being washed in the blood of Christ, and I thought it was crazy that no one else on the train even flinched or looked up. But this guy was out done the other day by the scariest old woman I have ever met in my entire life. She looked sweet at first just sitting there reading her bible, kind of like Aunt Jemima wearing her Sunday best. She even had a pretty little hat and everything. But then the train doors closed and my world was forever changed. She stood up, scowling like someone had just trampled through her prized flower bed, and began shouting out scripture with as much conviction as any Southern Baptist preacher. I didn't think such a big, scary voice could come out of such a small, old lady! She seemed to be getting angrier and angrier with each verse, and then finally she slammed her bible down on the seat next to me, leaned in my face and yelled "Do you want to burn in hell??!!" I literally almost peed my pants. I was so shocked and scared and confused I didn't even know how to react. I guess my stunned stare wasn't a sufficient answer, so then she said, "Well do you?!" I quickly shook my head no, and before she could continue the train stopped, so I shot out of there as fast as I could. I was relieved when she didn't come running after me, but it sucked because I had to wait for the next train to come.
• More common than the bible bashers are the bums and drunks begging for money. One guy told his whole life story about how he was bipolar and his doctor wouldn't let him work and blah blah blah. Another guy was pumping his fist and yelling across the train at his friend Lenny, telling him he better not ever do that again, whatever that may have been I'll never know. Oh yeah, and Lenny was invisible, by the way.
• One of my favorite kind of crazies are the train musicians. I guess they're not so much crazy, but still, not your run-of-the-mill passengers. Last week I had the greatest subway ride of my life, I couldn't stop smiling for like two hours after I got home. I was on my way home from work, and these two young boys hopped on the train, acoustic guitars in tow. The frontman, a little brunette kid who was about four-and-a-half feet tall, introduced them to the train as the New Beat Society of New York. He continued: "We are often imitated, but never duplicated, so sit back and enjoy the masters of the train." Then he and his floppy-haired, brace-faced counterpart began an awesome rendition of Purple Haze. I was sooooo thrilled! I mean, these kids couldn't have been older than 12, and that's being generous. They knew all the words, their guitar skills were awesome (no comparison to Jimi, obviously) and they were so genuinely into the music that it was almost inspiring. They weren't asking for money, although I probably would have given them everything in my wallet if I'd had cash on me, they were just playing because they loved to play. That one little song that I've heard a thousand times before put me in the best mood for the rest of the day. Everytime I get on that train I secretly hope I run into them again.
• The last of the crazies are the drunks on the train. I'm not gonna lie, my roommates and I have been in this category of crazies from time to time. Mostly them, not me so much :) In fact, last weekend, they came home with one of the funniest subway stories. They were out at some bar and apparently all these guys kept buying them shots of Patron. Naturally, they both got wasted and made spectacles of themselves on the train coming home. Kirsten (from Holland) threw up in her own hand!! I guess she continued to throw up so they had to keep getting on and off the train. Ali (from Ohio) was yelling at these old men who were staring at Kirsten as she threw up at one of the stations where they got off. At one of the next stops, Ali squated down and peed right on the platfrom while they were waiting for the next train. I'm sooo pissed that I missed it! What I wouldn't give to have been there with a camera!!

As many crazies as there are on the train, I don't know what I would do without it. It can be hot and dirty and crowded and frustrating, but if I never rode the subway, I'd never have ANY good stories to tell!